My gift

05-22-2007

you fill me with such joy. you have no idea the impact it all has on me.
it was so beautiful and childlike innocent. it was given so much attention in detail and met with so much enthusiasm to share. i melted knowing it was from you. i was light and dizzy.

your immediacy and excitement requires a passenger seat ride and uncompromising submission. i'm such an inarticulate fool at times, but all i wanted to know was if you felt the same when i gift you with what you allow me to give. do you smile and laugh so hard and giggle and squeal? do you fill up and radiate like i do?

…

your smile is beautiful. your eyes flit about, barely able to contain the energy within. (and we know the fuel, don't we?) you speak with your body; you made me laugh with every gesture. so pretty, despite your protests.

it's so natural. so comfortable. how can one ignore the fit? the seemingly unstoppable strength? i fear the momentum. where does it lead, this journey? how can one contain it? will i ever find a healthy balance? why am i such a pessimist?

i want to sleep; to put to rest this whirlwind in my head. to feign disinterest and see only shallow water. i don't want to acknowledge how deep it is or turbulent the current. or how much i want to swim. i know the dangers and i know the water is not what it seems but i want to cool off and feel reborn in it.