this weekend i met my lineage. it was quite powerful and profoundly sad. probably more so than at my grandfather's passing. i was very angry at never having been able to meet him. while not long ago, it was long enough that i've had a much greater appreciation for what i do have than what i didn't have.
i am of Jewish descent; Italian Jews. whodathunk?
i had a cousin who just died who had my same given and middle name, and roughly my same age. his mother writes on the back of her hand like i do; crossing off the items complete by licking her thumb and rubbing it out. just like me.
my father, a veritable stranger from this clan for 35 years, is remarked constantly as looking like our namesake; his characteristics embodying our heritage.
i met the oldest relative to carry my lineage; all 4'10" of her. at 92, she never married, and is witty and adorable. her sister is her guardian, and very matronly.
my father now is the oldest of his generation.
my great uncle who passed (the reason for this gathering) was arrogant enough to name a street in the neighborhood after this namesake; proud he was to have come from nothing to make this. and love for his wife, she also received a street name.
we sat, 40 strong, and introduced who we were, what we missed about him and listened to those he touched. it was a very touching, informal service.
deaths are recorded, but the events and the bonds they shape are often forgotten for the forests of tragedy and loss; for better, happier times.
but there is beauty in death and i witnessed one of its faces.
response:
linka_sofia:
I think part of the story is missing somehow, for those of us not previously in the know about your ancestry and such... but it seems you have pieced together some bits of what makes you *you* that you didn't previously know about... I recently looked at a buncha photos from "the old country" at my papa's house, and all those relatives I never knew and those I've never known well.... it is so weird to realize that things and people who are such a very big part of oneself are so faraway in space and/or time, relatively unknown... and yet part of us all the same.
*mindboggle*
me:
thanks, Linka.
basic backstory:
my father and his immediate family were fractured when he was young. divorced and remarried, only his mother was in my life. my father and his father hardly spoke after the protest of him marrying an irish girl (my mother). so i never knew or met him, and i always wanted to, but he passed before any reconciliation. i've an aunt who my father took care of when her own marriage failed. she abandoned his generosity and irrevocably distanced herself from most of the family. i only met her also at that funeral. i was angry and sad then, now seven years passed, and didn't have a chance to appreciate those who attended the services. i wasn't *here* then, still down in DC and distanced from the day-to-day hardship in settling my grandfather's estate. note: one hardship was the removal of 21 tons of literal junk from the family house, a row house in south philly.
so for my 31 years, i know little to nothing until Saturday about my surname. i honor my father and have never questioned his choice to consciously distance his family from his father, nor unconsciously, as a result of that decision, distance these people from us either. all i wanted as a kid was a big family; grandparents, uncles, big parties, etc.
i never had any of it, and my grandmother was a shell of a woman by the time i was born. really, nothing there; no life, no passion, no character. her sister, my great aunt, was what i envied in a grandparent. but she had children and grandchildren of her own. my great grandfather (my current avatar) was the only lineage i had to follow. i knew his father emigrated here from italy, losing the Gue to a Ju in his surname at Ellis Island.
so it was quite moving and sad to know so much about me: my features, mannerisms, etc, were inherited strongly from my surname family. like you, i'm floored by how much i'll never know and whom i have missed.
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