while listening to She's Gone (Tindersticks/Tindersticks [II])
was at what i would refer to as the worst wedding ever attended this weekend. now, before you start imagining bridezillas, grooms banging the maid of honor or a family feud, i will dispel those wishful and humorous thoughts now.
what i refer to is attention to detail. having been in attendance of many weddings, and been an active participant in no less than seven services, i can say that the details can and do matter. what i lay before you is inconsequential. the bride and groom and the attendees had a great time. it will go down in history as having been a fine service and memorable as a success. but i must comment on the following.
the bride's bouquet contained fake lilies; paid for in full, the bouquet contained four fake and obviously fake lily stalks.
the DJ was given a 4 hour song list — his request of the soon-to-be-weds, which my GF slaved over for them — decided to ignore the ground rules and only honored the dances with the mother of the groom/father of bride and the newlywed's dance. he played disco (an explicit no-no) and —hitting closer to home of some of the readers of this rant — no Prince, and to a lesser extent for some, but closer for me, no cure, nor depeche mode. on the list, instead, was house of pain's 'jump', beyonce's 'crazy in love' and a constant barrage of cliché disco and rap, no slower songs save the last dance, one other, and the aforementioned required ones. the significant representation of of older attendees were miffed about this.
the all-in-one facility contained
_ no trash cans
_ was grossly understaffed
_ had no silverware on the tables and none to distribute with cake and were therefore stealing whatever they could from the buffet stations later for the cake; i had to yell at them to leave two forks for me and my GF as our involvement in the proceedings prevented us from dining with the rest of the wedding party and guests
_ the buffet stations were not manned after the initial rush
_ they failed to place customized (bubbles, matchbooks) items on the table as instructed
_ cake was not distributed to all tables
_ no coffee or tea was served
_ had the worst audio system that kept cutting out during the exchange of vowels.
_ second only to the following point, but closer to heart: the lone bar was understaffed, had an inexperienced tender(no shit, learning as she made the first few drinks) and said tender was left alone for the second half of the night. the lines were appalling but worst of all the mixed drinks — a serious price boost paid for by the bride's family — were weak and numerous people complained about it
_ so what could be worse than that? this: the venue wants to charge an additional $1400 for supposedly 20 guests who were unaccounted for. now, the tables weren't all full, none were added and the predetermined seating for the service accommodated the amount of attendees and no one else. the bride recognized all and knew the attendees all RSVPed. so phantom guests — who, never got silverware, an additional table, coffee, needed no additional food and died in line before drinking because the service was so slow — are somehow a burden on the day-of staff so much so that an additional $1400 is demanded?! oh, and this point was brought to the father of the bride AT the wedding, mouthful of food and nervous and happy and he was shellshocked.
seriously, this was the one incidence where i'd say if you shelled out $3000 (a guess, i have no idea what they cost) for a wedding planner, none of this woulda happened.
the good things were the photography (price, time allowed, and quality; the best money spent IMHO), the weather, (despite morning wildfires threatening the air quality with overcast and stench, which thankfully dissipated by the later ceremony and that everyone seemed to have a good time.
that is all.
my achievements outside the wedding:
_ saw the phils sweep the braves, ate a hot dog
_ saw the world's largest ice cream float made
_ had a steak and shake dark chocolate milkshake
_ quested, disappointedly, for chupa chups
_ saw lots of fake boobs
_ ate a ton of food, southern, creole and BBQ
_ saw a big chicken
response:
linka_sofia:
holy Vegas chapels Batman, how did I miss this previous blog entry!?!!? (can't comment on the new one as it's a bit... evasive.. but I think you'll be awright too....)
1. the bride and groom exchanged vowels? is this an "o-face" reference!?!?
2. re: $1400 gouge while still at wedding, for ghost/guests.... take 'em to Judge Wapner. SERIOUSLY. That **** is EVIL.
3. DJ is NO NO NO NO unless a personal and to-the-grave tried and true, trusted friend. Otherwise, "Jump Around" at will...
4. Dark chocolate milkshakes and plastic racks: who could ask for anything more!
5. KFC shoulda stuck with that logo, the Colonel is one BUTT UGLY SOB. But how can they serve Pepsi in Ett-lanna?!
6. We missed you. Welcome back!!!
me:
thanks, linka.
i agree with it all, too.
the colonel and the KFC shortening are bad moves. the 'catering to inner city blacks' dancing colonel is a complete no-no. that dead whitey was spinning in his grave over that one, i'm sure.
not sure your reference on the vowels thing, though. i'm not a cool kid :(
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