Collected thoughts in the form of a letter to Dre

10-27-2004

//Who is left that writes these days?//

on sept 17, 1994, sarah mclachlan played the keswick theatre. the night's highlight was the sequential exit of bandmates at the show's finale. though this would be the second of four times we'd see her in a year, this would be the only time it would occur.

on sept 17, 2004, riverside reunites for one show after a ten year absence. they open for the ocean blue starting the show late. they win the hearts of the adoring crowd. riverside was a discarded gem i received from you. they represent the epitome of bliss at the height of "us".

on october 4, 2004, i witness for the first time 'I'd Rather Dance With You', the new video from Kings of Convenience. i herald it as an instant classic and a great song to boot.
in addition, i witness the yeah yeah yeahs 'y control' - a favorite of mine - and realize why i love live shows so much. capturing a live show, the video can only attempt to convey the fresh and raw energy at that moment.

on october 5, 2004, sarah mclachlan releases a witty video for 'worlds on fire'. she makes a $150,000 video where she donates $149,085 to various charities across the world while documenting where the money went and parallels the cost of an actual produced video (director, catering, film stock) to schooling, medicine and food.

on sept 17, 2004 i consciously did not call. for some reason, whatever i bottled up came to head and plunged me into a rare mood. if i told you i awoke and with phone in hand decided not to call, would you believe me?

on october 6, 2004 nothing remarkable happened. (happened is a funny looking word.) i received an invite to schmooze in NYC and maybe win a iPod mini or a vespa. i also question where this whole thing is going to end up.....

on october 9th, 2004 i saw garden state. well-timed as the city paper had an article on how this movie is yet another example of settling for less. i enjoyed it, but i liked eternal sunshine much more.

on october 10, 2004 mike, eric and i got our PJ fix. she had a great backing band and the bass was so powerful, you felt it in your sternum. never have i heard a show so perfect regarding sound quality. big exit was the highlight across the message boards and her fashion impeccable, wearing her own album art from past covers and hollowed-out cds as bracelets. we discussed pigface, the upcoming fantastic four movie and garden state. eric is my oldest friend. as far as things we still share in common: transformers, PS2 games, japanese horror movies and music.

on october 12, 2002 orbital played philly. it was the only time i will have ever seen them. 'you lot' is my fav track from the final album based on this intriguing british drama about the second coming of christ. i'm really disappointed in the lisa gerrard collaboration. a missed opportunity.

on october 14th, 2004 despite my best efforts, i find myself in line at a sold out show. in recent memory, i have not looked forward to seeing a show more than this one. in brooding silence - kata would probably say eerie or disturbing - i decide to take my chances and hope she follows my lead. we successfully sneak in and see a great show by the faint. drenched in sweat more than i'd ever been, nearly passing out, with glasses fogged up, i remember why i do this. paranoiattack is the highlight for me, though by that point i have relinquished my front and center position to children half my age.

on october 15, 2004 i am still haunted - more intently than usual it seems - about us. i sleep restlessly and wake unfulfilled. i still have not read your letter...not out of fear, but more out of remorse. i wonder how you feel.

on october 17, 2002 i go to NYC to see underworld sans kata. i am stoked about this show and get caught up with fellow philly fans who are traveling via forums. i meet this girl who turns out to be too much like this girl at work that i don't get along with. were i unattached, i may not have payed attention to that detail. she's passionate about her music, older than i, divorced and opinionated. as i write, you'd probably understand more than most as far as passions being attractive in others. regardless, after sharing a wonderful moment of a show, i ditch her and meet up with greg. to an extent, i feel bad, especially when i am sick three weeks later and it appears i blow her off her when i miss the scheduled TOB show. i was a squirrel that year for halloween. "everything, everything..."

on october 17, 2004 i have a discussion with a woman about chess. this stems from a late arrival at the studio for open studio tour weekend. as we clean shop, she is taken with this piece i did at MICA based around a horoscope with this quote: "In the opening a master should play like a book, in the middle game like a magician, in the ending like a machine."
(Rudolf Spielmann). i tell her its not for sale, as it's one of a kind.
i tell her it was made for chris as a wedding gift that never made it to him - which is fine because his marriage didn't last. as i spoke, i am reminded subconsciously of the above statements regarding eric. if he is my oldest friend, chris is my second oldest. we've had a rocky relationship...almost all but abandoned once he was married. ironically, the first thing we did when he found out his wife left him was play chess.
he was delirious with lack of sleep and grief. since then, we've traveled to europe again like we did pre-marriage and have become closer. we share the same DOB, name and have a passion for hockey and 2002s. these are the ties that bind.

on october 19, 2004 i visit the reincarnated king of pizza. though his new form is surely more regal, i secretly like that OTHER king of pizza on S. 130. in my trunk, chris's framed pieces get wet. he'll never believe me.

on october 20, 2004 i wonder when i will read your letter. appropriate as i listen to PJ. perhaps tomorrow.

on october 21, 2004 i went to NYC for three reasons. the primary catalyst was the aforementioned schmoozefest. the others were an exhibit by a mentor and friend from college and to drink with greg. it couldn't have worked out better...unless i won the iPods or the Vespa. anyway, the party was great, the exhibit was enhanced by a welcoming curator despite my lack of an appointment and a behind the scenes show. then, despite the coaxing of others, i was semi-responsible and went home instead of closing out a bar, which would've been 4am. something blew up on my car....

on october 23, 2004 i spend time with my family and chris. i haven't seen all for awhile. my parents go to paris for a week. i'm dealt a hard blow as my mom will have to tour it in a wheelchair. she's more fragile than i've been aware of. we do daddypops for the first time in about a year. they have the same "happy halloween" garland my family had when i was a kid; i looked forward to hanging it up ever year. my mom is struggling with diabetes as the cancer medicine is the source of many other problems.
following this, i go to see chris and spend a really great fall day with him and friends, who are mostly customers and his parents. my car barely makes it there. they'll work on it monday.
we meet alfredo and his wife penny who race autos as a hobby. he's originally from italy and he works with glass. more as a job than an art, but there is definitely an art to working with glass. fascinating couple. if you imagine your mother racing a car on tracks and totaling it as penny did last week. i was introduced to her former wheels in pieces on the floor, what could be salvaged.
thai for dinner and pumpkin ice cream.
i leave my car.

on october 24, 2004 we play with squee. he's kata's shop cat who appropriately showed up when they started scenery work on the musical cats.
compared to my boys, he's tiny.

on october 25, 2004 i find out the drive shaft is what i blew going 90mph on 95. also if there was a size between medium and large (x-medium?) i would like that fit in the new shirts i bought.
i must address your email and letter inquiry soon. i'm not purposely avoiding it, rather finding the acceptable barometer mark for my mood.
since that's what started this...an emotional overload leaving me directionless. it seems like overreaction now, but at the time, it was very real. all will be well, it's just making you understand.

i'm also debating when to upload this to the site.
as a mac user, you'll appreciate this more.

on october 26, 2004 today i discover john peel died in peru. i cannot appropriately mourn with either joy division or new order peel sessions as i forgot my iPod, a rare thing for me.

on october 27, 2004 my car will cost a fortune. a cat's body reacts to stress, creating stress-related illnesses. the triggers hit too close to home as we must decide what to do with squee at some point. introduction of a new addition to the family unit is a primary trigger. hmmm...


i decide to upload this. i hope you understand